Bridesmaids. It's just not dignified. Hide your faces in shame.
Just say you’re a feminist. And your friends are in their thirties, maybe already married with kids. Just say one is an important civil servant, another a high flying career girl, another a life-saving highly qualified anaesthetist. Maybe being a frou-frou bridesmaid just seems a bit silly for them.
Yes bridesmaidy ladies. Hide your faces behind pixels. The suffragettes fought for this?
But how to show them you love them? How do you make them feel just a little special? The answer… Usherettes.
They’re like Bridesmaids Lite – so no matching dresses, no matching bouquets and no meetings to co-ordinate shoe colour. Just the honour of being Officially The Bride’s Top Few Friends.
So, all you ned to do is this - just as you mark out ushers with a buttonhole, give your usherettes corsages. To make your life even easier – give silk corsage flowers rather than fresh flowers. Modern day genius.
Corsages by Bando
There’s also spiritual bridesmaids. These are like bridesmaids in disguise. The beauty of this is that only you and your selected ones know about it, which means no one can get offended and you can have as many as you like. Phew.
I bet this bride had no friends at school.
Another canny trick is to make would-be bridesmaids readers. That way, they get to have their 15 minutes of Corinthians-inspired fame.
Or, finally, just have a maid of honour. Which, to be a bit more Equal Opportunities you can call her your Best Woman and get her to do a hilarious gag-heavy speech and then perv over the ushers.
The classic black dress/ multi-coloured shoe combo in case you absolutely must have bridesmaids.
Parasols instead of bouquets? Practical and pretty? It cannot be.
To misquote T. S. Eliot, April is the cruellest month, if you’re getting married and banking on good weather. It could be baking, freezing, rainy or snowing.
However, you can turn the truculent weather to your advantage if you like…
Opt for pretty umbrellas instead of bouquets. They’re cute, far cheaper, can double as a gift for your bridesmaids and will protect delicate dresses from all the elements. Plus, you and your bridesmaids can spend the day twirling them in a coy and demure fashion. Signature Bella do some beautiful pagoda umbrellas.
by Bella Signature
Wedding brolly from Brollies Galore £11.7
Don’t forget your wellies if you’re going anywhere near lawns. Damp toes just aren’t very in keeping with a perfect wedding.
A bride with wet feet is a miserable bride.
Invest in a cover-up. It’s a royal waste when brides spend a fortune on a dress, only to spend half the day covered up in a cheap cover-up.
Invest in a cover-up
Go for ranunculus or anemones. They are not only in season, but they’re the sort of flowers that can turn dried up goats into wobbly-lipped slushpiles of romance.
Here comes the bride. All in ivory, with ivory shoes, ivory veil and a bouquet in a co-ordinating colour, followed by bridesmaids in the coordinating colour and ivory bouquet. And here comes The Wedding Industrial Complex, ripping you off left right and centre, with plaintive cries of “and surely you’ll be wanting ivory napkins with that?” and “I assume you’ll be wanting the table runners in the co-ordinating colour?”
Say no to The Wedding Industrial Complex. Reject their colour scheme. Give their colour-coordinated price tags the karate chops they deserve.
Instead, choose the only colour scheme they could not in one million years approve of… The Anti Colour Scheme: rainbow. The only rule is, no colour must be the same.
Here’s how to bring rainbows your wedding:
Who could be down on rainbow bridesmaids? Not I.
1. Rainbow bridesmaids – if Sex in the City’s finest can have non-matching bridesmaids, so can you. Plus, your bridesmaids can choose to wear colours that suit them. They could even wear dresses they already have.
Buttonholes and socks in all sorts of merry colours
2. Ushers each with a differently coloured socks.
3. Different types and colours of flowers at every table. The beauty of this is that you could pick up a dozen different bouquets from your local supermarket, whatever they have in stock, and suddenly it all seems planned.
No one can feel sad at a rainbow wedding.
4. A multi-coloured bouquet. Gerberas, ranunculus or carnations work perfectly here.
5. Rainbow wedding cake. (see earlier post on the joys of the rainbow cake).
Why stick to one colour when you can have five?
6. A non-white dress. Shocking, to some, but more wearable and you’ll probably get something far cheaper that’s far better designed.
6. Any colour stationery. Here’s a secret. No one will remember if your invites match with the rest of your wedding. They just won’t. Is it something you’ve ever double-checked when you’ve arrived at a wedding? No, you were probably too busy worrying about laddering your tights or being late to give it a second thought. Just go with whatever.
As a bride, it is very likely your duties will include walking down an impossibly long aisle very slowly. Meanwhile a hundred or so guest will scan you up and down. You will be nervous. All eyes will be on you. Your hands will be shaking. This is where the bouquet comes in. It gives you something to do with your hands, other than fidget or flap. In that way, it makes sense.
However, bouquets can be eye-wateringly expensive. So what on earth do you hold in your shaking hands instead? Well, what you normally would, of course. A clutch.
Boden floral clutch - comes in 4 colours
Clutch from Viabella at Etsy
The clutch-instead-of-bouquet option has the distinct advantage of giving you a place to hide your lipstick etc.
All from Etsy: From L to R: The Spring Fling; Pinch Puff Clutch; Satin Wedding Clutch with Flower; Georgia Navy; Olivia Ivory; Peacock Feathers Clutch
This clutch with a luxurious bow is a wonderful bouquet replacement (again, Viabella at Etsy)
And if you’re going to have a clutch, why not replace the bridesmaids bouquets with clutches too. No truly fashion-loving bridesmaid would prefer a bouquet to one of these Nelle clutches.
I’ve never known a pageboy to be disappointed in the quality of his shirt, or frown at the way the pleating falls on his chinos. Mainly they’ll be rolling in cake on the lawn. Best not to spend a fortune then… Here’s some ideas:
1. Fancy dress page boy. More people should do this. Really. It is better for the world. Small pageboy, dressed as a monkey or dinosaur, bish bash bosh, everyone’s happy. Do it, do it, do it.
2. High street pageboy. The high street is full of cute pageboy outfits which you can put together yourself. There’s absolutely no need to go to a bridal shop. Indeed it’s madness until you’ve checked out the likes of Next, Debenhams, BHS and Marks & Spencer.
Debenhams page boy shirt for £12
3. Casual page boy. Little boys trussed up in grown up suits have a habit of looking uncomfortable. How about a more beachy look – with a short sleeved summer shirt and long shorts.
Copy this relaxed beachy pageboy look by Stephanie Staub at Little Eglantine
A simple sash cumberband turns shorts and a summer shirt into an outfit worthy of any wedding
Flower girls have an alarming tendency of coming in not ones or twos, but threes or even fours. All that organza can stack up if you’re not careful. Luckily, if you avoid bridal shops and hit the high street you might just find something cute, fashionable, affordable and un-hated by its wearers. Who knows, they might (and this is of course a fabulous cliche), but they really might just wear them again.
1. Get flowergirl accessories from Monsoon. Their dresses are amazing too, and start from £55.
2. Go for the non-bridal girls dresses. Any long white girl’s dress with a sash ribbon at Marks & Spencer, especially in its Autograph range, is miraculously twice the price of its normal girls’ dresses.
Have more relaxed flowergirls with Marks & Spencer: pink dress £18, white dress £25
3. Try online kid’s clothing – La Redoute, Littlewoods or Boden do bright unpretensious summer dresses.
Pink floaty summer dress, £24, Boden.
£16- £24 at La Redoute
4. Have no fear of patterns. They can look remarkably chic.
Tea dress, £16-21, Next
5. Co-ordinating colours can work too. And if the girls are sisters, they can re-wear them more easily.
Boden gypsy dress, £22
6. Love the High Street. Next, BHS and Debenhams are big winners. Even Tesco can look cute on really little ones.
Flower Embroidered Bridesmaid Dress £30, Signature Vintage Bridesmaid Dress £36, both from Next
After the enthusiasm for The Totally Cheapest Bridal Bouquets Ever, it seems time to release Part 2. Ladies, put those floral worries aside, here’s some alternatives to the classic bridal bouquet:
1. The dried flower bouquet - it’ll never wilt and you can put it together yourself weeks before. Imagine the aroma of lavender wafting down the aisle.
Californian based Lavender Fanatic
2. The origami bouquet - if you are blessed with endless patience, this could be a route for you.
A solution for brides who don't have jobs
3. The Wire Bouquet – This one’s more for the rock chick bride. Make it barbed wire if you’re really alternative.
wire bouquet for the 'hard as nails' bride
4. The Etsy bouquet – there’s always an alternative version of a bouquet on Etsy, which is an online marketplace for independent designers. Try The Storque for recent creations.
$105 for 24 silk roses, each with real branches
5. Balloons as your bouquet. Flower girls with miniature balloons? Whats not to like?
A bouquet of balloons
6. A fan. Blushing brides with fans are sexy, it’s a science fact.
7. Peacock feathers. A single one, or a fan of them.
For the more relaxed bride, Reiss has some chic cream cocktail dresses on sale. There’s also some silvery satin stilettos on sale. Have a look at the three-tone cream, nude and grey stilettos in their spring range. They are sensational.
On sale in Reiss for £100
Jamie dress from Reiss
There’s also some re-wearable dresses for bridesmaids.
It’s enough to turn you to Andrew Lloyd Webber. OK, nothing could be that bad. However, The Bridesmaid Issue is a thorny one. The more popular you are, the more The Wedding God punishes you. Here’s how to keep bridesmaids costs in line with your bank balance:
1. Buy plain high street dresses. Reiss, J Crew and Banana Republic will give you some thing nicer, cheaper, more fashionable and less taffeta-based than any bridal shop.
J Crew's Erez range
2. Each bridesmaid has their own colour. If Sex in The City can do it, so can you.
Sex in the City
Indeed, you can even create a rainbow icecream effect, like these lovelies:
By Kay Unger
3. Bridesmaid’s all wear black. This marvellously simple tip was was sent in by Elizabeth. See what else the lovely Elizabeth has done to keep prices in check for her wedding here.
4. Don’t have bridesmaids. If you’re over 30, or are developing fine lines, it’s undignified anyway.
5. Go young with bridesmaids. The younger they are the less they’ll realise what a cheapskate you’re making of them.
6. Let them wear what they like. They’ll probably thank you. No one ever uses bridesmaid’s dresses again, however much they lie to you they will. It’s a science fact.
7. Buy hair accessories, matching ribbons and bouquets, not dresses.
